this week my mom called me from "the U.K." she had taken off work to join her husband on his trip.
during the first part of her voice mail, she told me about how beautiful the hotel was. then she told me that her husband had just "distributed" his recently-deceased father's ashes in the bay.
my mom has never really liked her father in law, so when he died she was pretty blasé about the whole thing saying, I'm not taking off work to help clean up his stuff at their house; I've got too much to do to get ready for my trip to the U.K. so i was pretty surprised when she even mentioned the ashes. i don't know my mom's husband's whole story (i've tuned most of it out -- with good reason from the parts i've picked up) so i'm sure it was a strange/strained relationship. and i understand that death is dealt with in various ways and i would never question how one person gets through it all versus another. but what i really enjoyed was that in the same breath that she described her husband finally putting his father to rest, she said:
Then we bought bathing suits and went into hot tub and steam room. It was so lovely and fun. I'll send you pictures when we get home.
the most confusing part of the voicemail came right at the end when she was telling me when they were coming home:
We're watching the ashes right now. Today the airport is closed but hopefully it'll be open by Thursday.
the ashes, in this case, were not that of her father in law (and yes, it took me a minute to figure it out), but instead from iceland's eyjafjallajokull volcano, which recently erupted and created a whole cloud of ash over much of western europe, delaying many flights.
luckily, she didn't have to wait for those ashes and they hadn't been aggravating her for years. she flew safely home this afternoon:
Hi Kids, just wanted you to know that I'm back in the US of A. A good trip, gave N a bit of closure, will tell you about it when we talk.
Love you
MOM
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
mom, this one's for you.
well today is mother's day. i called my mom early today to find out what she was doing.
i just got off work, she said, sounding like a woman who had just pulled an overnight double shift. and now i'm taking myself out to blueberry pancakes at denny's. they use fresh blueberries.
despite my often cold-sounding heart, it's moments like these that i wish i could just drive over and say "we're not going to denny's. we're going out to brunch on park ave and we're drinking mimosas until we're so tired that we need coffee coolers. then we'll walk it all off by going shopping."
my mom and i have had a relationship that could fill volumes. from the early days of us doing everything together because i was her viola-playing "perfect" daughter, to the years when she took off in search of something more than my father (and the rest of us got stuck in the crosshairs), to the point where we are now: almost daily phone calls filled with laughter, head-shaking and inane details about her dogs. i realize how far we've come and i know she does too. so it's times like today when i want to hug her and take in all of her crazy stories, all of her judgements of others, all of her insecurities and everything else she is that has helped shaped me.
i love you mom. and because i have no intention of you ever reading this blog, i also sent you a card and posted a note on Facebook -- you know, the place where you tagged yourself as MOM in all of the pictures.
happy mother's day.
i just got off work, she said, sounding like a woman who had just pulled an overnight double shift. and now i'm taking myself out to blueberry pancakes at denny's. they use fresh blueberries.
my mom and i have had a relationship that could fill volumes. from the early days of us doing everything together because i was her viola-playing "perfect" daughter, to the years when she took off in search of something more than my father (and the rest of us got stuck in the crosshairs), to the point where we are now: almost daily phone calls filled with laughter, head-shaking and inane details about her dogs. i realize how far we've come and i know she does too. so it's times like today when i want to hug her and take in all of her crazy stories, all of her judgements of others, all of her insecurities and everything else she is that has helped shaped me.
i love you mom. and because i have no intention of you ever reading this blog, i also sent you a card and posted a note on Facebook -- you know, the place where you tagged yourself as MOM in all of the pictures.
happy mother's day.
Friday, May 7, 2010
a vanity fair
got a text from my mom today:
Mom
this text, of course, tells us many things:
1) clearly she has improved her phone/typing skills
2) she's almost hit the 100 lb mark of weight loss
both big accomplishments for my mom
i later called her to congratulate her; she told me that her husband had bought her new vanity plates for her cherry red mercedes convertible. as a side note, she and her husband are big on vanity plates. she used to have a license plate that said TOOTIE. it is a term of endearment from her husband, but you can guess how he came up with it. they have blankets for that. i digress.
her current vanity plate was a surprise from her husband, who, as we know hasn't been the most supportive of her in the past. it reads WWSANDY. and, yes, the WW stands for Weight Watchers (they should be paying her more for all of this free advertising).
btw, she hasn't gone by "sandy" since she first met her husband (early 90s?). then he pulled a tom cruise "katie is now kate" and changed her name to "sandra." more sophisticated, don't you think? fits well with the red mercedes. digressing again.
anyway, the bigger significance is that her husband is finally coming around on this job -- to the point where he's paying extra money on a license plate to show his support. this is big. and because of the support, she's doing even better at the job, is making more of her own money and is continuing with her weightloss. all in all, it's been a win-win, as they say -- in a way only the two of them can fully appreciate and document on their license plates.
Hi hon
Hit 95.2 lb loss today at WW
Yeah
Talk to u ltr
this text, of course, tells us many things:
1) clearly she has improved her phone/typing skills
2) she's almost hit the 100 lb mark of weight loss
both big accomplishments for my mom
i later called her to congratulate her; she told me that her husband had bought her new vanity plates for her cherry red mercedes convertible. as a side note, she and her husband are big on vanity plates. she used to have a license plate that said TOOTIE. it is a term of endearment from her husband, but you can guess how he came up with it. they have blankets for that. i digress.
her current vanity plate was a surprise from her husband, who, as we know hasn't been the most supportive of her in the past. it reads WWSANDY. and, yes, the WW stands for Weight Watchers (they should be paying her more for all of this free advertising).
btw, she hasn't gone by "sandy" since she first met her husband (early 90s?). then he pulled a tom cruise "katie is now kate" and changed her name to "sandra." more sophisticated, don't you think? fits well with the red mercedes. digressing again.
anyway, the bigger significance is that her husband is finally coming around on this job -- to the point where he's paying extra money on a license plate to show his support. this is big. and because of the support, she's doing even better at the job, is making more of her own money and is continuing with her weightloss. all in all, it's been a win-win, as they say -- in a way only the two of them can fully appreciate and document on their license plates.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
working girls
so i have had a ton of stories lately but have been super busy. one of the reasons is that, after the layoff last spring, i've since become gainfully employed once again. (golf claps all around)
the best part is, so has my mother (kind of). a little work history on dear mom:
she never finished college but the girl had drive.
she worked at "the phone company" for many years and ended up retiring from there and taking a new job in the field of security. she is a saleslady through and through. if she gets to talk and persuade, she's in. so it was perfect.
she made her way up and up the chain and was making well over six figures at one point (i know this, because she told me fairly often). then she married her boss and, not surprisingly, the company wasn't so cool with that idea, so she left (some would say she was pushed out. -eh-).
this was years ago and, since then, she's been struggling to find her way back. in our family, jobs often determine self worth so not having one is difficult (i can attest to this, given my situation last year).
but this year, she finally landed her dream job: working for Weight Watchers. as has been previously noted, my mother lost 90 lbs using Weight Watchers and has since become a champion of their ideals and practices. so it only made sense that she would want this job.
however, given that she was 'off the market' so long, she has slightly forgotten how annoying/frustrating/intense a job can be. now, it's important to note that this job is fairly flexible and she can work or doesn't have to: you get what you give in this role. but what you absolutely don't get at this level is six figures. that's been a hard one for her, if only because her husband keeps bringing it up. but i like to remind her that whatever she's making now, she wasn't making this time a year ago in hopes of helping her feel more secure (back to that self worth issue).
so we have recently bonded over getting back into worklife. we chat about how we used to get all of our chores and errands done during the day and now they have to wait until the weekends. she tells me about how she made $5 selling Weight Watcher snacks and i tell her about the craziness at my office. she tells me about how she needs to find subs for her classes so she can go on crazy vacations, i tell her how i don't have any vacation time accrued yet so i'm not going anywhere any time soon.
she seems slightly obsessed with telling everyone that she's not totally tied to this gig, but i can tell she loves having it. it really is the job she's been dreaming of (and she's lucky enough to not actually *need* it, save for sanity reasons). she's recently told me that they've been working her to the bone, giving her more classes than ever to teach and though she says it with the voice of someone who's been overworked for the last 50 years, i can hear the twinkle of glee in her voice that she's now back in the saddle.
hearing your mother regain her self confidence (first step was the aforementioned 90 lb weightloss) holds something wonderful and true. i imagine it's probably like watching your kid go through the same thing (and since boundaries are often blurred in our family, it makes sense). despite her sometimes strange expectations for such a job, it has been nice to have her there to share stories with as we both jump back in to the 9 to 5.
the best part is, so has my mother (kind of). a little work history on dear mom:
she never finished college but the girl had drive.
she worked at "the phone company" for many years and ended up retiring from there and taking a new job in the field of security. she is a saleslady through and through. if she gets to talk and persuade, she's in. so it was perfect.
she made her way up and up the chain and was making well over six figures at one point (i know this, because she told me fairly often). then she married her boss and, not surprisingly, the company wasn't so cool with that idea, so she left (some would say she was pushed out. -eh-).
this was years ago and, since then, she's been struggling to find her way back. in our family, jobs often determine self worth so not having one is difficult (i can attest to this, given my situation last year). but this year, she finally landed her dream job: working for Weight Watchers. as has been previously noted, my mother lost 90 lbs using Weight Watchers and has since become a champion of their ideals and practices. so it only made sense that she would want this job.
however, given that she was 'off the market' so long, she has slightly forgotten how annoying/frustrating/intense a job can be. now, it's important to note that this job is fairly flexible and she can work or doesn't have to: you get what you give in this role. but what you absolutely don't get at this level is six figures. that's been a hard one for her, if only because her husband keeps bringing it up. but i like to remind her that whatever she's making now, she wasn't making this time a year ago in hopes of helping her feel more secure (back to that self worth issue).
so we have recently bonded over getting back into worklife. we chat about how we used to get all of our chores and errands done during the day and now they have to wait until the weekends. she tells me about how she made $5 selling Weight Watcher snacks and i tell her about the craziness at my office. she tells me about how she needs to find subs for her classes so she can go on crazy vacations, i tell her how i don't have any vacation time accrued yet so i'm not going anywhere any time soon.
she seems slightly obsessed with telling everyone that she's not totally tied to this gig, but i can tell she loves having it. it really is the job she's been dreaming of (and she's lucky enough to not actually *need* it, save for sanity reasons). she's recently told me that they've been working her to the bone, giving her more classes than ever to teach and though she says it with the voice of someone who's been overworked for the last 50 years, i can hear the twinkle of glee in her voice that she's now back in the saddle.
hearing your mother regain her self confidence (first step was the aforementioned 90 lb weightloss) holds something wonderful and true. i imagine it's probably like watching your kid go through the same thing (and since boundaries are often blurred in our family, it makes sense). despite her sometimes strange expectations for such a job, it has been nice to have her there to share stories with as we both jump back in to the 9 to 5.
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