encouragement in stirrups.

as last mentioned, i start a new gig today. i'm really excited about it and of course have some first-day nerves.

when someone had a big accomplishment in our family, it was highly celebrated and you'd end up getting your breakfast, lunch or dinner on The Red Plate (one of the many traditions my mom started). since my mom lives on the other side of the country, i was not surprised to see an email from her this a.m. with the subject line Have a great day. however, the rest of her message did throw me off a little:

Hi hon on my way to the gyno have a WONDERFUL DAY

Love you MOM

p.s. believe me when i tell you i struggled with the name of this post. too much? apologies.

congratulations! the dog is sick.

i got a new job that i'm super excited about and i've been keeping my mom in the loop since i started interviewing with them months ago. it's been a long process, but as previously noted, the job thing is a big one in our family and this opportunity is one i was really hoping for.

much time has been spent by the two of us discussing this job and the interview process. she gave me advice on what she does with WeightWatchers; i listened patiently and took in the relevant parts. so when i finally got the offer, i texted my mom to let her know. this was her text back:

Congratulations you'll have

to tell me all about it maybe 

over a cup of coffee

At the vets again Morgan is 

now throwing up

MOM

when you care enough to send the very best

next week is my mom's husband's birthday. at best, i'd say our family has had a tumultuous relationship with him. so when she asked me to send him a birthday card, i knew it was coming from a desperate place.

a little background: he has two kids who are ridiculously spoiled because their father doesn't know how to show affection without buying something. so, no surprise, they don't think they should ever have to pay for their condos, their cars or, most recently, birthday gifts. (they're in their mid-20s, btw.)

(i can't really blame them -- if i had grown up like that, i'm not sure i wouldn't expect the gravy train to continue ...)

this year, his daughters said they couldn't come to his birthday party but they did send him a card. my mother, of course, couldn't believe that they only sent him one card together instead of two separate cards, but i reminded her this was the most they had ever done, so just focus on the positive.  (ah, the benefits of setting the bar low.)

today, me, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma all got this email:

Hi Everyone:  Although we can't be together, I wanted you all to know that August 5th is N's 55 Birthday.  I'm giving him a party this Sat. the 31st, but I'm sure he'd appreciate a card if you feel like sending him one.  It's hard when  you're away from everyone and being from a family of basically 1 I'm speaking of him being an only child.

Love you,

MOM/S

so, let's deconstruct:

1) knowing how much disdain me, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma have had for this man in the past, the move is a ballsy one. (and, yes, my mom knows b/c my family also has a habit of being extremely blunt -- to her in particular.)

i have a feeling he'll actually get cards from them, but this is solely based on our upbringing (more on that in the next point). however, i know each and every one of them will bitch about it the next time we talk on the phone.

2) clearly my mom is *classically* trained in Midwest speak. this is where you passive-aggressively guilt someone into something they should never feel guilty about (you'll notice it in the "if you feel like sending him one" phrase).

3) also, no mention of his kids skipping out or him not speaking to his newly-widowed mother. nope, just that he's an only child and that is tough.

for the record, of course we sent him something (see point 2 again). my husband and i mailed him a card last week -- albeit one from our "free generic cards for giving to a nonprofit" collection.

happy birthday.

be positive

this morning on the phone w/ my mom, she told me she had gone to the doctor. for the most part, it was a routine visit, although she mentioned some worry about not being able to sleep w/o xanax (and, from what i took in, her doctor gave her some weird definition of "addiction" and told her she herself had been on the pills for last 5 years).

anyway, my mom went on to tell me that her doctor is "homopathic" (yes, i spelled what she said correctly.) and that she recommended my mom try the blood type diet.

this got us into a whole discussion about what my blood type actually is (guess i should know that by now) and how i *have* to be B positive because both she and my father are. OK, sounds right to me.

she went into how this makes us special b/c it's the rarest of types (i have no idea on that one) and everyone should be so lucky. pretty much my mother was telling me that i (and by default the rest of the fam) am a pretty, pretty unicorn.

now, i should mention that i called her on the way to work. i usually have about a 40-minute commute so it's a good time for a mom download.  our (her) convos usually take up the full 40.

anyway, she started telling me about this diet and how it's supposed to make you feel better and that, given all of the foods we're not supposed to eat mixed with her well-documented love of weight watchers, she should be able to lose those last few pounds. (between the two plans, the venn diagram of foods she'll be "allowed" to eat leaves about three meal choices for the week.)

after that, she spent the rest of the commute -- and beyond (i ended our convo at my desk) -- reading me the list of foods that are
1) beneficial
2) neutral
3) to be avoided.
 i tuned in and out of this part but apparently i'm not supposed to eat any pork or wheat products. (this will not play well with my love of bacon and hef beers.)

anyway,  the point of the diet is to help her sleep better and, for all of our family members to enjoy, help with anxiety. given that we aren't supposed to eat many of the things we love, there will probably be weight loss too. i haven't signed on to assist her in this yet but i might try it if it seems to work for her. only time and a mix of broccoli, white bread and almond milk will tell ...

UPDATE  -- she sent me a follow-up email tonight (as only she can write it):
Sari:  can you believe we are to avoid Cinnamon- that is my favorite spice and I live on it.  I may have to ignor that part and work on some of the other foods first.

I'm taking the book with me to my "open weigh in's" and read it when I'm not busy and find out the reasons and benefits.

We can have the garlic/brie bread though

love you

B positive MOM

ashes to ashes

this week my mom called me from "the U.K." she had taken off work to join her husband on his trip.

during the first part of her voice mail, she told me about how beautiful the hotel was. then she told me that her husband had just "distributed" his recently-deceased father's ashes in the bay.

my mom has never really liked her father in law, so when he died she was pretty blasé about the whole thing saying, I'm not taking off work to help clean up his stuff at their house; I've got too much to do to get ready for my trip to the U.K. so i was pretty surprised when she even mentioned the ashes. i don't know my mom's husband's whole story (i've tuned most of it out -- with good reason from the parts i've picked up) so i'm sure it was a strange/strained relationship. and i understand that death is dealt with in various ways and i would never question how one person gets through it all versus another. but what i really enjoyed was that in the same breath that she described her husband finally putting his father to rest, she said:

Then we bought bathing suits and went into hot tub and steam room. It was so lovely and fun. I'll send you pictures when we get home. 

the most confusing part of the voicemail came right at the end when she was telling me when they were coming home:

We're watching the ashes right now. Today the airport is closed but hopefully it'll be open by Thursday.

the ashes, in this case, were not that of her father in law (and yes, it took me a minute to figure it out), but instead  from iceland's eyjafjallajokull volcano, which recently erupted and created a whole cloud of ash over much of western europe, delaying many flights.

luckily, she didn't have to wait for those ashes and they hadn't been aggravating her for years. she flew safely home this afternoon:

Hi Kids, just wanted you to know that I'm back in the US of A.  A good trip, gave N a bit of closure, will tell you about it when we talk.

Love you

MOM

mom, this one's for you.

well today is mother's day. i called my mom early today to find out what she was doing.

i just got off work, she said, sounding like a woman who had just pulled an overnight double shift. and now i'm taking myself out to blueberry pancakes at denny's. they use fresh blueberries.

despite my often cold-sounding heart, it's moments like these that i wish i could just drive over and say "we're not going to denny's. we're going out to brunch on park ave and we're drinking mimosas until we're so tired that we need coffee coolers. then we'll walk it all off by going shopping."

my mom and i have had a relationship that could fill volumes. from the early days of us doing everything together because i was her viola-playing "perfect" daughter, to the years when she took off in search of something more than my father (and the rest of us got stuck in the crosshairs), to the point where we are now: almost daily phone calls filled with laughter, head-shaking and inane details about her dogs. i realize how far we've come and i know she does too. so it's times like today when i want to hug her and take in all of her crazy stories, all of her judgements of others, all of her insecurities and everything else she is that has helped shaped me.

i love you mom. and because i have no intention of you ever reading this blog, i also sent you a card and posted a note on Facebook  -- you know, the place where you tagged yourself as MOM in all of the pictures.

happy mother's day.

a vanity fair

got a text from my mom today:

Hi hon

Hit 95.2 lb loss today at WW

Yeah

Talk to u ltr

Mom

this text, of course, tells us many things:
1) clearly she has improved her phone/typing skills
2) she's almost hit the 100 lb mark of weight loss

both big accomplishments for my mom

i later called her to congratulate her; she told me that her husband had bought her new vanity plates for her cherry red mercedes convertible. as a side note, she and her husband are big on vanity plates. she used to have a license plate that said TOOTIE. it is a term of endearment from her husband, but you can guess how he came up with it. they have blankets for that. i digress.

her current vanity plate was a surprise from her husband, who, as we know hasn't been the most supportive of her in the past. it reads WWSANDY. and, yes, the WW stands for Weight Watchers (they should be paying her more for all of this free advertising).

btw, she hasn't gone by "sandy" since she first met her husband (early 90s?). then he pulled a tom cruise "katie is now kate" and changed her name to "sandra." more sophisticated, don't you think? fits well with the red mercedes.  digressing again.

anyway, the bigger significance is that her husband is finally coming around on this job -- to the point where he's paying extra money on a license plate to show his support. this is big. and because of the support, she's doing even better at the job, is making more of her own money and is continuing with her weightloss.  all in all, it's been a win-win, as they say -- in a way only the two of them can fully appreciate and document on their license plates.

working girls

so i have had a ton of stories lately but have been super busy. one of the reasons is that, after the layoff last spring, i've since become gainfully employed once again. (golf claps all around)

the best part is, so has my mother (kind of). a little work history on dear mom:
she never finished college but the girl had drive.
she worked at "the phone company" for many years and ended up retiring from there and taking a new job in the field of security. she is a saleslady through and through. if she gets to talk and persuade, she's in. so it was perfect.

she made her way up and up the chain and was making well over six figures at one point (i know this, because she told me fairly often). then she married her boss and, not surprisingly, the company wasn't so cool with that idea, so she left (some would say she was pushed out. -eh-).

this was years ago and, since then, she's been struggling to find her way back. in our family, jobs often determine self worth so not having one is difficult (i can attest to this, given my situation last year).

but this year, she finally landed her dream job: working for Weight Watchers. as has been previously noted, my mother lost 90 lbs using Weight Watchers and has since become a champion of their ideals and practices. so it only made sense that she would want this job.

however, given that she was 'off the market' so long, she has slightly forgotten how annoying/frustrating/intense a job can be. now, it's important to note that this job is fairly flexible and she can work or doesn't have to: you get what you give in this role. but what you absolutely don't get at this level is six figures. that's been a hard one for her, if only because her husband keeps bringing it up. but i like to remind her that whatever she's making now, she wasn't making this time a year ago in hopes of helping her feel more secure (back to that self worth issue).

so we have recently bonded over getting back into worklife. we chat about how we used to get all of our chores and errands done during the day and now they have to wait until the weekends. she tells me about how she made $5 selling Weight Watcher snacks and i tell her about the craziness at my office.  she tells me about how she needs to find subs for her classes so she can go on crazy vacations, i tell her how i don't have any vacation time accrued yet so i'm not going anywhere any time soon.

she seems slightly obsessed with telling everyone that she's not totally tied to this gig, but i can tell she loves having it. it really is the job she's been dreaming of (and she's lucky enough to not actually *need* it, save for sanity reasons).  she's recently told me that they've been working her to the bone, giving her more classes than ever to teach and though she says it with the voice of someone who's been overworked for the last 50 years, i can hear the twinkle of glee in her voice that she's now back in the saddle. 

hearing your mother regain her self confidence (first step was the aforementioned 90 lb weightloss) holds something wonderful and true. i imagine it's probably like watching your kid go through the same thing (and since boundaries are often blurred in our family, it makes sense). despite her sometimes strange expectations for such a job, it has been nice to have her there to share stories with as we both jump back in to the 9 to 5. 

Not sure Will.i.am had this in mind ...

Today I was at the gym and this Will.i.am song came on. It clearly deals with the fact that I am a carbon copy of my mother.  If I didn't know better, I'd think he wrote it for this blog. It's nice to have an official anthem. (And I feel better about this song than the one by The Smiths.)Thanks Will!