as the holidays approach, i often think of how, in my youth, my mother always made them so "special." yeah, forget norman rockwell, i'm talking about a turkey falling on the floor and an extra special movie experience.
the year was 1983, which puts me at about the age of 5. i don't remember going to the movies with my parents very often, but i do remember this fateful movie-going day.
my mom took me to what she thought was going to be the Disney movie Mickey's Christmas Carol. My mom has an unmatched love of the story (the original, not Disney's per se) and has DVDs of most every version from the original until now. That day, we went to the theater near Great Clips and Children's Palace. She got the two tickets and apparently didn't actually know the title of the movie -- and was never questioned about it.
We got popcorn, sat down, watched the previews and the movie started. I didn't actually know what was happening on the screen and I don't remember necessarily being bummed about it, but Mickey and his friends never showed up.
What did show up is now a Christmas classic: The fantasic tale of A Christmas Story.
Remember the part when Ralphie's mom covers his eyes at the leg lamp? Yep, pretty sure she covered my eyes while Ralphie's mother covered his. How post-modern.
Of course, at 5, I had no idea of what was going on; the only other movies I remembered going to at around that age were E.T. and The Fox and the Hound. But the experience made her laugh and cringe at the same time and the legend about the time her Christmas-movie-bonding experience went slightly awry -- in a way only SJS could create -- has lived on.
my mother is big on "tradition." not necessarily creating tradition, or following any sort of family traditions we have in place, she's just big on the idea. so every year, at every holiday, she decorates her house as though she were living in a grand victorian home that was filled with delicious scents, fabulous decorations, sounds of a happy family singing around a piano and, perhaps, servants making sure it all goes off without a hitch.
however, the reality is that she decorates her house, bakes and stays away from the family (which, given our family, i say is fair and support). another part of this want for tradition includes the "passing it on to you kids" part. this doesn't necessarily include her actually passing on family heirlooms (although we've already been told which jewelry is ours when she "goes"); it really means she's giving us things that she hopes will spark that tradition fantasy she has in her head, into reality in our lives.
she has gone about this in many ways, but one of her most famous, is in giving us statues and knick knacks so that we can decorate our homes each and every holiday. as always, i will stress that her heart and thoughtfulness are incredible, however her means are often misguided (click here for another interesting gift).
over the years, i've received many figurines from my mother. she once told me she wanted me to have a "collection" to pass onto my children. the thing is, these figurines range from just poorly painted snowmen to downright frightening little girls dressed as bunnies.
in fact, the aforementioned bunny statue was so scary, that my college roommate and i used to hide it around our apartment to scare the crap out of each other. when we left 240 pennsylvania ave, we left the bunny in a closet for the next tenants (sorry!).
there is no photographic evidence of this girl-in-bunny-suit statuette (although this is similar, to give you an idea) and so it had almost become a legend in the year after we left it in ithaca. however, the next year, right around Easter, i got a package from my mother and there, packed in bubble wrap, was the statue. again.
i know! i was freaked out too. either her mother's intuition crept in and she knew what i did or she bought a ton of these things and forgot she had sent me one the year before (i choose to believe the latter -- thinking about her going through my old apartment to retrieve it is just too much). this time, the girl bunny got left in a closet in sherman oaks. i never got another girl bunny statue.
but that doesn't mean i never got another statue.
the statue-giving really kicked in and reached an apex at the close of my senior year of college. family had come from all over to celebrate graduation with me and at one point, the same roommate and i opened our gifts in front of everyone. my siblings and i are the first generation in our family to have post-h.s. degrees, so it was kind of a big deal. most of the gifts were watches or luggage or any of the other things one would expect. and then i opened my mother's gift.
it was one of those openings where people are so stunned that they can't really say anything. frankly, i was so stunned, i didn't say anything. what was it you ask? an incredible statue of wolf heads (below). the silence was broken by my mother saying, "sarah has always loved wolves" to which my roommate asked, "you have?" and the silence continued. (to be fair, i did love wolves -- in middle school --which is right about the time my mom moved to Canada.)
it should be mentioned that the wolves were the only present i received from her for graduation, which is fine. but it should also be mentioned that she was living in a huge house with a 5-car garage and wasn't lacking for funds (the statue might tell you otherwise). and, so, the legend of The Wolves was created. i plan to keep them forever, if only b/c the story is so awesome.
(her house)
(The Wolves)
The Wolves now reside on top of a bookcase in our living room. no one has ever asked about them, so we're guessing our friends just think we have bad taste (which kind of makes their presence even better).
i was reminded of all of this recently when talking about giving white elephant gifts and decorating for Christmas. of course, i have more than The Wolves and during the winter months, the creepy snowmen with their phallic tree get put out on display.
beyond that, there's Easter and other assorted holidays.
in recent years, i think she's given up on the figurine giving. it's definitely slowed. most people would think "well she's taken the hint," but knowing better, i'm guessing it's because she used to live very close to a knock-off Hallmark that sold such things and when she moved from Canada to Florida -- where her love of the dollar store kicked in -- she let it go. however, i am just waiting for a $.99 figurine, in all its ill-painted creepiness to arrive on my doorstep any day now ...
it's almost Turkey Day and as we all know, that means food. For my family it means watching the caloric intake of all that food and then discussing it.
my mom recently gave me a recipe for delicious pumpkin spice cupcakes -- they're only 2 points! (recipe below). i had some friends over and they loved them (and my husband has had 3 of them today). here's her email back:
I'm so glad, even Scott's 3 were worth what 1 cake donut is so no guilt there.
Glad your friends enjoyed them as well. I made my cornicoupia (however you spell it) and cinnamon rolls had a small one =6 points the muffins would have been a better choice. I'm done with the candy, sugar except for my WW treats. For one thing they don't leave me feeling yukky and hyper.
Have a good one,
MOM
The recipe:
1 box of Duncan Hines Spice Cake Mix
1 15 oz can of pumpkin
1 cup of egg substitute (or 2 eggs)
Mix all ingredients together. Grease cupcake pan, tablespoon mixture in. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-18 mins (don't over cook).
Pull out of oven, let cool in pan.
there have been SO many stories that warrant posts lately, but i've been lazy and haven't gotten to them. here's the latest and i'll work my way back in the next few posts.
TWILIGHT!!!!
that's right. the movie is here. NEW MOON! first of all, erin wroteanotherstory about it and, so, of course, i forwarded it on to my mom, knowing she'd love every sentence. she did and emailed erin and me back with this:
Tell Erin, right on, Hmmmm I tell you Pattinson is soooo hot, and yes he gets those hormones going. I wouldn't ask for a bite, but a good long kiss for sure, and the "wolf" isn't bad either Have a good day Love you MOM
a new study (always wary) has come out saying that, try as we might, we'll all end up with the same wrinkles as our mothers.
apparently "daughters' faces tend to follow their mothers in terms of sagging and volume loss, particularly around the corners of their eyes and lower eyelids." fantastic.
as previously mentioned in this blog, i share most other physical features with my mom, so why not throw her "sagging and volume loss" in there as well?
she actually has lovely skin and is obsessed with lotions and night creams. i'm hoping my lack of creme obsessions thus far doesn't make me get those wrinkles sooner. might be time to invest. here's the rest of the article, if you want to read more ...
i got a text from my mom a couple of weeks ago. she was flying back from vegas and knew i had also been out of town for a fun getaway. when my husband saw it he said, "that completely sums up everything she's about."
the more i thought about it, the more i realized he was right. it showed her thoughtfulness, her sweetness and her materialism. here's her text, which reads like a strange haiku:
Hi Hon, At the admirals club thinking of you. Love MOM
my mother and i share three distinct qualities: the social bug, the need to control and the inability to say 'no' often.
i first noticed it in her last summer when she was co-planning my bridal shower with my now mother-in-law. i was allowed some input, but frankly, i didn't really want to offer much. if someone else offers up to plan, i'm pretty good about shutting down. although, almost all the way, which is probably pretty annoying.
anyway, back to mom. the idea behind this shower (one of two showers i had, if that tells you anything) was for her to come to L.A., meet all of my friends (the social part), create and execute the theme (the control) and work with my mother-in-law on logistics (the inability to say 'no').
her theme was fine, if not quite my style: the invites, tablecloth and all paper dinnerware were covered in rose petals and these sequin things. most people who know me wouldn't pick rose petals and sequins for me, but i'm her daughter and w/ that comes a lot of 'Supposed To' moments so it was fine.
she planned games (although not too many at the guidance of my MIL and me) and even got personalized M&Ms. there was a small mom to mom battle about how the table should be organized and where to put the cupcakes but overall, it was an amazing day spent with mothers and friends.
in recent convos w/ my mom, she's mentioned the same type of pattern. she organizes something w/ a group of people (usually women) and puts her efforts in but doesn't necessarily want to share the duties w/ anyone else. however, if she has to, she'll oblige and go along with their plans, even if she doesn't agree. it takes all of her minnesota repression skills to hold it in, but she does. afterall, she spent her life doing the same thing in different situations.
i only lived in minnesota the first 12 years of my life, but when it comes to things like this, it's like i never left. after a bunch of friends and i joined -- and quickly quit -- a kickball team a few years ago, i started 'girls drinks.' at the time, i organized about 14 of us to get drinks at a new bar every week. as life got busier, it's turned into a once-a-month deal, but it's still going on, almost 4 years later.
and, i have to say, the more i hear about my mom organizing her 'circle of love' group, the more parallels i see to my 'girls drinks' actions. (granted hers is a church group and mine is, well, a drinking group, but i digress.) i plan it b/c i love seeing people and i typically pick the time, date and place. however, if someone else wants to help plan, i'll let them, but, inevitably, i'll pretty much shut down and let them drive -- this takes Midwest Guilt one step further: i don't have to say no if i don't say anything at all. done and done.
i have the luxury -- and sometimes duty -- of talking to my mom every day and it's really been through those convos and this blog that i've realized her actions and ways are like a thread running right through every day of my life.
i chatted with my mom the other day. she was calling me from the mall and was clearly in the mood to shop.
what size are you now?
i'd rather not say, i said pinching the gut i've accumulated since the wedding and that pesky metabolism-slowing 30th birthday. but what if i find something cute for you? i'll have to pick it up and i won't know what size to get.
this is probably where i should mention my family's obsession with weight. it's well documented, and frankly, disturbing. my grandmother -- all of 5'2" and 94 years old -- was known to ask everyone how much they weighed until her dying day. i eventually realized i shouldn't feel bad about my weight when being compared to a woman who was losing bone mass daily.
my mother is another one. she's a self-described former "fat kid" and it has played out again and again in her life. she took diet pills while pregnant with my sister and was encouraged by her doctor to gain no more than 10 pounds (this was in 1970, for the curious). a few years ago, she lost 90 (yes, 9-0) pounds with Weight Watchers and she's kept it off since. it was -- and still is -- a huge accomplishment and it really helped her gain (most of) her confidence back. but i digress.
clearly, this was a loaded conversation, as only a mother can create. so i told her my new size to which there wasn't quite an audible gasp but more of a polite pause, followed by you can't weigh that much. that's my size and you don't have my hips.
ok, so besides being told i can't possibly weigh that much, i thought "is she blind?"
anyone who has ever seen my mother and me in the same room knows that i am almost an exact replica of her. a carbon copy, save my aristocratic nose (thanks pops!). i not only have her hips, i also have the same protruding bones in my feet. and, just a reminder, the title of this blog is actually dedicated to some of our other similar parts.
so by now everyone knows about the 'twilight' phenomenon. personally, i don't get it, but that's because i never read the books (i have friends who swear they're awesome reads).
anyway, my mom is on the band wagon. she loves this stuff; i've heard about every harry potter book and film and now this (i just watched it on my computer! i need to read the next one!)
so when my friend erin wrote a story about the books and how they've taken pop culture by storm, i sent it along to my mom, knowing she'd LOVE every part of it. her email reply was worth it.
Hi Hon: How cool was that. Is this a new job for her?
He's sooo fine. By the way, the new Nice and Easy has been adding similar highlights for a while now
$4.99 a do (that's with the CVS discount and a coupon)
You'll have to note my hair when you see me again, however, the blonde/red highlights not quite as effective as brown hair with the bronze.
Thanks, tell her I loved it.
finished the 2nd book, started it yesterday. This is getting expensive. I need to go buy the 3rd one now
my parents are not known for their financial savvy. in fact, they might be known for their total lack of it. but my mom always seemed to have a better handle on things than my dad. until i heard this story.
so, currently, my mom's two dogs are costing her money. a lot of money. they're constantly sick and my mom is constantly taken, so somewhere in between is how she keeps losing dough on these dogs.
anyway, after telling me her sick-dog woes (it does sound bad, btw), she informs me that her husband has asked her to dip into her 401(k) for some money to pay the vet bills.
have i mentioned we're in the worst economic crisis of our time? have i mentioned my mom isn't that far off from retirement? have i mentioned that between her and her husband they have 4 cars and a huge house with a pond in the back? have i mentioned this is for vet bills?
so she tells me that she put her foot down "after the last time." i'm sorry, what? "oh, well there are huge penalties." yep, that i know. how do you know? "well, he asked me to take some money out while we were in Canada so he could get a hot tub. but they really get you with those taxes!"
you took money out of your 401(k) for a hot tub? "yes, but with those taxes, i won't be doing it again."
um ...
i guess i should be glad that the lesson was learned. after all, her mother lost a house due to gambling and still goes to the casino. but i still can't believe that a) her husband would suggest such a thing b) she would do it.
it does remind me, however, to fill out that paper work for my financial advisor. and that, if we ever have kids, to have a good, long talk with them about money.
i don't know how moms have the power to make non-stressful situations stressful, but it's like an art form sometimes.
for the most part, my mom is low-key. so when she called me three times yesterday, i thought it was a little odd but figured she was bored.
the third call involved her telling me that she could use her husband's frequent flier miles for a trip out here. IN FOUR DAYS. FOR A WEEK. often my mom forgets that people actually have lives and that they're not just waiting around for her to call and say she can come. i might mention that this is not the first time she has called and "offered" to visit unexpectedly. as much as i love seeing her, and although i'm currently unemployed, i do have things to do. my husband is taking me out for a romantic birthday dinner this weekend and i have a midterm (a finance midterm, no less) next week. so my week was going to be filled with fun and studying, which will keep me busy.
i tell her that, in fact, this isn't the greatest week for her to come and maybe with some more notice, we can figure out a better time (i would, after all, like to see her). she sounds disappointed, but we get off the phone and that's that. right? um, no, apparently not.
today, i got this email from her ...
Hi Hon: I just received this, I know you said the weekend was bad, here's the whole iternery, was the majority of the time bad? Just don't pass a chance if it were possible, if not I understand,
MOM ----- Forwarded Message ----- From: no-reply@aa.com To: s_________@comcast.net Sent: Monday, June 1, 2009 9:06:33 AM GMT -06:00 US/Canada Central Subject: S. SPINKS 06/04/09 Itinerary
Reservations | Fare Sales & Offers | AAdvantage Account
Here is a trip to LAX you leave this Thursday 4rd and return next Friday 12th. Let me know if this is what you want..
yes, that's right. after i told her it wasn't a good week, she booked the trip and emailed me her itinerary. how? why? what?
i have no idea. but believe me when i tell you the guilt of turning my 61-year-old mother away has set in deeply. my guess is, we'll have a talk and i won't be updating next week because she'll be sitting her while i go out on my "romantic" date and while i go to school to study net present values.
UPDATE! after emailing her w/ a compromise of a few fewer days, i got this:
That's ok hon, just bad timing we'll do it some other time.
I have to get up at 3:50 am tomorrow so going to bed.
Love you MOM
so i guess that's that. the mystery of the urgency and aggression of it all lives on ...
figuring out what makes your parents tick is, as far as i can tell, a lifelong, rather ambitious project. luckily for me, my mom found a site that tells her.
Hi Hon: I looked this up on the internet, pretty accurate- what do you think? have a good day, love you MOM
(no, i don't expect you to read all of that small, italicized text ... you'll get the gist below.) You entered: Sandra Jean Your number is: 6 The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy. The expression or destiny for #6: The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community. The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships. If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much. Your Soul Urge number is: 8 A Soul Urge number of 8 means: With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced. You have good executive abilities, and with these, confidence, energy and ambition. Your mind is analytical and judgment sound; you're a good judge of material values and also human character. Self-controlled, you rarely let emotions cloud judgment. You are somewhat of an organizer at heart, and you like to keep those beneath you organized and on a proper track. This is a personality that wants to lead, not follow. You want to be known for your planning ability and solid judgment. The negative aspects of the 8 soul urge are the often dominating and exacting attitude. You may have a tendency to be very rigid, sometimes stubborn. Your Inner Dream number is: 7 An Inner Dream number of 7 means: You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.
i can tell you that a lot of this stuff is true. she is sympathetic, kind and generous, and she's also very demanding on herself. but the interesting part came to me in a second email she sent with the subject line : Part 2. (which, from what i can tell, was the same as part 1, but i digress)
This is part 2- notice the soul urge thing- that would be me
Have a good one.
You should try this it is very interesing
MOM
so, basically, what she wanted to point out to me was not that she was loving or hyper-critical of herself but rather: With an 8 soul urge, you have a natural flair for big business and the challenges imposed by the commercial world. Power, status and success are very important to you. You have strong urges to supervise, organize and lead. Material desires are also very pronounced.
although these things are also true, i thought it was an interesting part to call to my attention. mostly because of the material desires part but also because this -- of everything that was written -- is what she identified with most. that's the part i found most interesting. needless to say, my pursuit of figuring her out continues, with a little more insight.
(if you're wondering if i took her suggestion and tried it out for myself, the answer would be 'of course i did.' my soul urge?
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends.
pretty dead on. here's the link if you want to try it too)
so, this morning i found out i got laid off (yeah, sucks, but it could be worse). after calling my husband, i immediately called my mom. she was lovely and offered all the condolences one hears when shown the door.
the best part, though, was when i opened my inbox and saw an ecard from her. it was all about inspiration and leadership and spirituality. and all of the people in it had one distinct characteristic: they were all african-americans. so, clearly, my mom found it in the "ebony" "mahogany" section of hallmark's site.
anyway, i imagined her message at the end would be full of sweet, motherly things. and it was -- as only my mom could write it: Hi Hon, well OK, you're not black, but I like the message of this card. You'll come out ahead because of all your wonderful attributes and qualities. Love you bunches, MOM
it's well-known that my mother, as my sister put it, "lacks boundaries."
my sister can tell you all about the sleepovers she had in her youth where my mom would hang out and take over.
or my brother can tell you about the time -- and this is a *classic* mom story, so wait for it ...
-- that my mother told him about how she hated their new Craftmatic beds because her husband got stuck in an uncomfortable position while ... well, i will spare you the details, but know that my brother was not so lucky.
there was also my wedding day, when she told one of my bridesmaids about how her husband likes her in thongs and what, exactly, she thought about it. "he bought be some beautiful ones, but i don't like those things riding up my butt! he should wear one!"
so it should come as no surprise that when my technologically-curious mother told me she joined Facebook, i should have worried more than i did.
not only has she gone through my photos and tagged herself as "MOM," but she's also taken to adding my friends (including the aforementioned bridesmaid) as her own. and i know this all sounds harmless and like i'm being overly sensitive, but if you knew your mom was fine with telling your brother about her sex life and that the second she publishes something on your Wall 300 of your closest friends get to see it instantly, wouldn't you be a little concerned?
so, really, this post is meant as a warning. a warning to all of my dear friends that she's out there, adding you. so if you're kind enough to add her back, you might want to make sure you have some privacy settings already in place.
my mom is not what we would call "technical" yet she has these amazing gadgets -- she was first w/ the RAZR phone, first w/ the Mac, she has crazy awesome cameras and she now has an iphone. the thing is, she doesn't know how to use any of it.
so you can imagine my surprise when i started getting texts in "text language" (you know, lol, btw, c u l8r -- that stuff). there have been many, however most of them can't be deciphered by anyone i know. i asked her how she learned it and she told me "i don't know, i just watched someone and figured it out." whom she "watched" has not been determined, but they were clearly on drugs.
a short sampling is below in chrono order. my all-time favorite from Oct. 2007:
I DNR c any celebs hope u r HCG be tm in to Lv mom
(if someone can tell me what it means, you win a yet-to-be-determined prize)
------ from july 08:
Did u guys hv a eq?
Hvnt he the tv on 2dy
Went 2 mama MIA
Lvd it
Call me ltr
Lv
Mom
-------------- and, finally, from today:
Call me on my home ph later
At the outback now
Love you hon
Mom
you can see her skills on the phone have greatly improved (and from what i hear, everyone has some issues in the beginning of iphone texting). mostly i added this one just b/c she mentions writing me from Outback. now that's dedication to your kids.
tonight my mom called me -- slightly buzzed on her blush wine -- and told me all about her Easter Sunday.
it started w/ the church service and how she's thinking about defecting to the Presbyterians. then, it somehow progressed into a story about her lesbian friends hitting on her and trying to get her in a bathing suit (a bit of background: my mother is 61, married to a man and, frankly, brimming with naivete). something about feeling uncomfortable in a room alone with a wolf-tattooed lesbian discussing an oil painting ...
anyway, she then goes into how many "points" her wine is costing her tonight so it's good that she didn't eat a huge dinner (she made a full-on turkey dinner for the 3 of them). and, she tells my uncle mark, she's not counting the rice she ate last night b/c that shot right through her, so how could it have counted and left any fat/calories in her system? i can only hope uncle mark had smoked his Easter doob before hearing that one.
my mother is an interesting gal. and because i see a lot of her specialness in me these days, this blog is dedicated to her ridiculous, but entertaining, stories.
