My husband and I have a friend who works for the State Department and used to work for the president directly. He's one of the most generous, lovely people I've ever met. So when my dad died suddenly, our friend gave us one of the most thoughtful gifts he could have.
He had the president (of the United States!) send me a letter of condolence. Because I loved my dad and this was the president, after all, I posted the letter on Facebook.
Most people saw it and commented on what a wonderful man he must have been, how he did a great job raising us, how proud we must be, etc.
What my mom texted, instead, was:
Why did you get a note from the White House your dad was only in the service 4 years that I know of ... Just curious
Monday, April 14, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
"What's going on with your belly?"
My mom often has kind words for me. Though, lately, I can't recall any of them.
Earlier in the week, I sent out a first pic of my growing belly. I'm just under 3 months pregs, and, believe me, this one is making its presence known.
All pregnant women go through an "oh shit, I kind of just look fat" phase in the beginning and I'm finding it truer the second time around. I had another friend describe her second pregnancy as "the worst kept secret."
Turns out, I probably should have done those planks and sit-ups after No. 1 was born ...Alas, I didn't.
So when I sent the first belly pic to my sister in law and mom, I expected to receive excited, sweet replies. I did -- from my sis in law, who wrote, "This just makes me smile :)"
And then I talked to my mom on the phone who, in the middle of the conversation said, "So, what's going on with your belly?"
"What? It's fine. Why?"
"I just mean it's so big for you not being very far along."
"Well, it's No. 2."
"Yeah, I don't remember that happening to me."
"Lucky you," is what I actually said. But what I wanted to say was, "Fuck you. You were 24 when you had your 2nd kid. I'm closing in on 40. And who says all of these terrible things to their kid anyway?"
She quickly changed the subject back to No. 1, about whom she still has nice things to say.
Earlier in the week, I sent out a first pic of my growing belly. I'm just under 3 months pregs, and, believe me, this one is making its presence known.
All pregnant women go through an "oh shit, I kind of just look fat" phase in the beginning and I'm finding it truer the second time around. I had another friend describe her second pregnancy as "the worst kept secret."
Turns out, I probably should have done those planks and sit-ups after No. 1 was born ...Alas, I didn't.
So when I sent the first belly pic to my sister in law and mom, I expected to receive excited, sweet replies. I did -- from my sis in law, who wrote, "This just makes me smile :)"
And then I talked to my mom on the phone who, in the middle of the conversation said, "So, what's going on with your belly?"
"What? It's fine. Why?"
"I just mean it's so big for you not being very far along."
"Well, it's No. 2."
"Yeah, I don't remember that happening to me."
"Lucky you," is what I actually said. But what I wanted to say was, "Fuck you. You were 24 when you had your 2nd kid. I'm closing in on 40. And who says all of these terrible things to their kid anyway?"
She quickly changed the subject back to No. 1, about whom she still has nice things to say.
Her "Week From Hell"
Life has thrown my family some major curveballs in the last month. On March 16, my father passed away. Two days earlier, my husband and I saw the first glimpse of our 2nd baby on an ultrasound (it all felt very Lightning Crashes).
Anyway, as you can imagine, this was (is) a traumatic time for me. My father and I were very close (no blog for him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing the news on the heels of our baby news was even tougher. (I knew how I was going to tell him. He would have been thrilled.)
That said, it turns out there is a lot of "business" to be done when someone dies. Bills to pay, arrangements to be made, all while trying to process what the hell is going on.
My family rallied and everyone was willing to take on responsibilities and make it easier for our stepmom. My mom tried but ... just couldn't.
First, she told me that my stepmom should have decided to hold the funeral where she (my mom) lives. Not where my dad and stepmom lived.
Then, she said the dates of the funeral -- and subsequent burial (in my mom's state) -- didn't work for her. She told my brother she was "not getting any closure."
Then, in a *moment* of selflessness, she offered to buy the obit in the paper in her state (where my brother and sister also live). All she had to do was send them the info (that I had sent her) and pay the bill.
Well, this apparently was too much for her. I got 2 texts, a voicemail and another frantic call. She couldn't figure it out, she said. She was overwhelmed, she said. She needed to lie down, she said. And then she said what I just couldn't even believe: She was having "a week from hell."
What I said, "OK. I'll figure it out for you."
What I wanted to say, "Really? You should try losing your dad while pregnant. And then deal with a mother who can't do anything for herself. That's super easy." But I didn't. What was the point? It would only make her upset -- and that was the last thing I needed to deal with (again).
The good/weird news is, she never called any of us while we went to the funeral. I think we all needed the break from her, but we all noticed. That's the thing about her, we can't stand when she butts in but we want her to at least ask. She usually doesn't.
Anyway, as you can imagine, this was (is) a traumatic time for me. My father and I were very close (no blog for him) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing the news on the heels of our baby news was even tougher. (I knew how I was going to tell him. He would have been thrilled.)
That said, it turns out there is a lot of "business" to be done when someone dies. Bills to pay, arrangements to be made, all while trying to process what the hell is going on.
My family rallied and everyone was willing to take on responsibilities and make it easier for our stepmom. My mom tried but ... just couldn't.
First, she told me that my stepmom should have decided to hold the funeral where she (my mom) lives. Not where my dad and stepmom lived.
Then, she said the dates of the funeral -- and subsequent burial (in my mom's state) -- didn't work for her. She told my brother she was "not getting any closure."
Then, in a *moment* of selflessness, she offered to buy the obit in the paper in her state (where my brother and sister also live). All she had to do was send them the info (that I had sent her) and pay the bill.
Well, this apparently was too much for her. I got 2 texts, a voicemail and another frantic call. She couldn't figure it out, she said. She was overwhelmed, she said. She needed to lie down, she said. And then she said what I just couldn't even believe: She was having "a week from hell."
What I said, "OK. I'll figure it out for you."
What I wanted to say, "Really? You should try losing your dad while pregnant. And then deal with a mother who can't do anything for herself. That's super easy." But I didn't. What was the point? It would only make her upset -- and that was the last thing I needed to deal with (again).
The good/weird news is, she never called any of us while we went to the funeral. I think we all needed the break from her, but we all noticed. That's the thing about her, we can't stand when she butts in but we want her to at least ask. She usually doesn't.
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