when you care enough to send the very best

next week is my mom's husband's birthday. at best, i'd say our family has had a tumultuous relationship with him. so when she asked me to send him a birthday card, i knew it was coming from a desperate place.

a little background: he has two kids who are ridiculously spoiled because their father doesn't know how to show affection without buying something. so, no surprise, they don't think they should ever have to pay for their condos, their cars or, most recently, birthday gifts. (they're in their mid-20s, btw.)

(i can't really blame them -- if i had grown up like that, i'm not sure i wouldn't expect the gravy train to continue ...)

this year, his daughters said they couldn't come to his birthday party but they did send him a card. my mother, of course, couldn't believe that they only sent him one card together instead of two separate cards, but i reminded her this was the most they had ever done, so just focus on the positive.  (ah, the benefits of setting the bar low.)

today, me, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma all got this email:

Hi Everyone:  Although we can't be together, I wanted you all to know that August 5th is N's 55 Birthday.  I'm giving him a party this Sat. the 31st, but I'm sure he'd appreciate a card if you feel like sending him one.  It's hard when  you're away from everyone and being from a family of basically 1 I'm speaking of him being an only child.

Love you,

MOM/S

so, let's deconstruct:

1) knowing how much disdain me, my siblings, my aunt and my grandma have had for this man in the past, the move is a ballsy one. (and, yes, my mom knows b/c my family also has a habit of being extremely blunt -- to her in particular.)

i have a feeling he'll actually get cards from them, but this is solely based on our upbringing (more on that in the next point). however, i know each and every one of them will bitch about it the next time we talk on the phone.

2) clearly my mom is *classically* trained in Midwest speak. this is where you passive-aggressively guilt someone into something they should never feel guilty about (you'll notice it in the "if you feel like sending him one" phrase).

3) also, no mention of his kids skipping out or him not speaking to his newly-widowed mother. nope, just that he's an only child and that is tough.

for the record, of course we sent him something (see point 2 again). my husband and i mailed him a card last week -- albeit one from our "free generic cards for giving to a nonprofit" collection.

happy birthday.